Loss & Comfort

A woman I went to high school with, but was never friends with or connected to, lost her husband this past week in a car crash. She’s been on my mind ever since I saw the news. Imagining her grief has brought me down the past couple of days. I just can’t imagine my life if something like that happened to J.

I have had to fall asleep the past couple of night channeling my inner Byron Katie; it has been keeping me up and distracting me throughout the day. He shouldn’t have died. That couldn’t have happened. It wasn’t time yet. And it’s not callous or un-empathetic, but my soothing response to myself is: He should have because he did. It could have because it did. It was time because it was.

It was a devastating reality check for me: I really cannot control much of how my life runs its course. I can control my thoughts and beliefs (and even that is up for grabs) and how I behave. That’s about it.

Imagining going through that kind of unexpected, unfair, and traumatic loss makes me feel so small, and it also makes me feel so grateful for the time I do have with the people I love. Hold your people, show them you love them, and stay in the moment- it really is all we have.

Mindfulness Meditation Resources

I have been such a nutty person these past few weeks (which J can certainly attest to). I love school, and I hate school. I love learning and I love reading and I love synthesizing new information… but I hate being busy. I hate feeling like my to-do list is literally never-ending and that it’s possible that, this time, I won’t get it all done.

Speaking of which, there is yet another class I may take this semester, more of a workshop really. But I am trying to hold myself back for the sake of my mental health, and for the sake of my relationship with J. (thank you, love, for being so amazing and supportive)

So in the event I don’t go to this amazing-looking workshop, on Implementing Mindfulness in Therapy, here are some resources I found on the facilitator’s website:

• The Two Pillars of Mindfulness-Based Therapy
• The Freedom to Choose
• Reclaiming Pollyanna
• Thin Eats Fat – And the Practice of Mindfulness
• Is The Cup Half Full or Half Empty?
• The Art of Letting Go
• Mindfulness and Not-Knowing
• Mindfulness and Knowledge

I love applying mindfulness to my own life; it’s been immensely helpful in managing complicated emotions, especially within the context of relationship issues. I’d love to hear from others about their favorite mindfulness articles!